The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck (by Mark Manson)

Hi all,

I am back again with another book summary. Currently, I have written two parts each of book summaries of the books "48 Laws of Power" and "Get Epic Shit Done". I wanted to start and complete a fresh book within today's post. I will complete the book summaries of the above two books in my upcoming posts.

So, now to today's book: The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck (by Mark Manson)

This is one of my favorite books and I wanted to share my learnings from the book. Strictly speaking, this post is less of a book summary and more of my key take aways from the book. I would strongly urge you to read this one to change your perspective on problem solving and life as a whole.

I was not comfortable with the usage of term f*ck again and again, so many times in the book. So, I have replaced f*ck with f__.

Happy reading!

Amazon/Kindle/Audible: Available here!

Goodreads: Here!

The above is a vlog with the book summary of this book by the author himself. An insightful one!

The YouTube vlog can be accessed here!

Now, jumping straight into the book...

Don't try!

• The desire for more positive experience is itself a negative experience. And, paradoxically, the acceptance of one’s negative experience is itself a positive experience.
• Not giving a f__ does not mean being indifferent; it means being comfortable with being different!
• To not give a f__ about adversity, you must first give a f__ about something more important than adversity.
• Whether you realize it or not, you are always choosing what to give a f__ about. 

Happiness is a problem!

• Solve problems; be happy is the mantra of successful life. Main issues faced by people are:
• Denial: Denial of problems and reality may constantly delude or distract. This may make a person feel good in the short term, but it leads to a life of insecurity, neuroticism, and emotional repression.
• Victim Mentality: Sometimes, a person believes that there is nothing that can be done to solve a problem, even when the problem can be solved. People with victim mentality seek to transfer of blame on others for their problems or blame outside circumstances. This may make them feel better in the short term, but it leads to a life of anger, helplessness, and despair. 

You are not special!

• A lot of people are afraid to accept mediocrity because they believe that if they accept it, they’ll never achieve anything, never improve, and that their life won’t matter. This sort of thinking is dangerous. 
• The rare people who do become truly exceptional at something do so not because they believe they’re exceptional. On the contrary, they become amazing because they’re obsessed with improvement. 
• The obsession with improvement stems from an unerring belief that they are, in fact, not that great at all. It’s anti-entitlement. 
• People who become great at something become great because they understand that they’re not already great—they are mediocre, they are average—and that they could be so much better.

The value of suffering!

• Self-awareness is like an onion. There are multiple layers to it, and the more you peel them back, the more likely you’re going to start crying at inappropriate times.
• Honest self-questioning is difficult. It requires asking yourself simple questions that are uncomfortable to answer. The more uncomfortable the answer, the more likely it is to be true. 
• If you want to change how you see your problems, you have to change what you value and/or how you measure failure/success.
• Values such as, pleasure, material success, always being right, staying positive—are poor ideals for a person’s life. Some of the greatest moments of one’s life are not pleasant, not successful, not known, and not positive.  
• Good values are 1) reality-based, 2) socially constructive, and 3) immediate and controllable. Bad values are 1) superstitious, 2) socially destructive, and 3) not immediate or controllable.

You are always choosing!

• Life is like a game of cards where we all get dealt cards. Some of us get better cards than others. 
• While it’s easy to get hung up on our cards, and feel we got screwed over, the real game lies in the choices we make with those cards, the risks we decide to take, and the consequences we choose to live with. 
• People who consistently make the best choices in the situations they’re given are the ones who eventually come out ahead in poker, just as in life. And it’s not necessarily the people with the best cards.

You are wrong about everything, but so am I!

• Our brain is imperfect. We mistake things we see and hear. We forget things or misinterpret events quite easily. 
• Once we create meaning for ourselves, our brains are designed to hold on to that meaning. We are biased toward the meaning our mind has made, and we don’t want to let go of it. Even if we see evidence that contradicts the meaning we created, we often ignore it and keep on believing anyway.
• No matter how honest and well-intentioned we are, we’re in a perpetual state of misleading ourselves and others for no other reason than that our brain is designed to be efficient, not accurate. So be careful what you believe!
• Manson's law of avoidance: The more something threatens your identity, the more you will avoid it.
• How to be a little less certain about yourself. Ask yourself these questions:
• What if I am wrong?
• What would it mean if I were wrong?
• Would being wrong create a better or a worse problem than my current problem, for both myself and others? 

Failure is the way forward!

• Improvement at anything is based on thousands of tiny failures, and the magnitude of your success is based on how many times you’ve failed at something. 
• If someone is better than you at something, then it’s likely because she has failed at it more than you have. 
• If someone is worse than you, it’s likely because he hasn’t been through all of the painful learning experiences you have. 
• The do "something" principal:
• Don’t just sit there. Do something. The answers will follow!
• Action isn’t just the effect of motivation; it’s also the cause of it.
• Emotional inspiration → Motivation → Desirable action
• Inspiration → Motivation → Action → Inspiration → Motivation → Action...

The importance of saying NO! 

• We all must give a f__ about something, in order to value something. Also, to value something, we must reject what is not that something. To value X, we must reject non-X. 
• IMP: That rejection is an inherent and necessary part of maintaining our values, and therefore our identity. We are defined by what we choose to reject. If we reject nothing (perhaps in fear of being rejected by something ourselves), we essentially have no identity at all.
• The difference between a healthy and an unhealthy relationship comes down to two things: 1) how well each person in the relationship accepts responsibility, and 2) the willingness of each person to both reject and be rejected by their partner.
• People in a healthy relationship with strong boundaries will take responsibility for their own values and problems and not take responsibility for their partner’s values and problems. 

I have kept this book summary concise and skipped a few points, which did not resonate with me. Though, you should still find useful insights from the book in this post. 

Please let me know your thoughts and recommend other books that I should summarize. 

Here's Subin Khullar signing off today...

Have a wonderful weekend ahead!